Sincere Intentions

Why are we so afraid to show people who we really are?  Why do we want to hide our true emotions?  Although I understand the importance of a filter for what is appropriate and not appropriate to say, why do we want to hide what we think?  Why can’t we be comfortable with who we are?  Can’t we still make a good first impression by being ourselves?  What good is a first impression if it’s fake anyway?  What good is a relationship anyway if it’s based on superficial expectations of how we “should” act? Or focused on saying “the right things?”  How can we expect to make any real connections with people without being real?  How can people know our true intentions if our actions aren’t congruent with our emotions or values?

“People Pleasing”

People in general want to be liked by others.  They want to feel connected.  I believe most people are inherently good.  Still, they don’t want to show everyone completely who they are for fear that people won’t like them.  They seem to hide some emotions or things that they’re insecure about.

Led by fear, many downplay or disregard their own opinions or feelings.  They may go along with whatever another person thinks or wants.  They become so afraid of rejection that they close up, get quiet, and don’t act like their normal selves.  Without ability to express opinions or feelings, the result is people-pleasing, possible resentment that others can’t mind read, and inability to express one’s true self or get one’s own needs met. 

“Barbie Face”

Have you ever tried to express sympathy to someone going through a hard time and the person smiles and says, “It’s all right,” or laughs through it?  It is common for many to think they need to act happy all the time.   Those with this mentality may have been raised with this expectation.  What comes across as perfectly normal to them is often superficial to others.  They feel like they have to keep a smile on their faces even when talking about hard things. 

Much accredited to Toy Story, I describe people like this as having the “Barbie Face.”  People may react this way to try to avoid feeling negative emotions or at least to hide any negative emotion from others.  They may fear that others will assume they are “doom and gloom.”  The reason for fake smiling is that it can be uncomfortable for them to express how they really feel, partly out of fear of how others would react. 

Feeling negative emotions is an important part of life.  It is more normal to be able to express those feelings rather than to bottle them up or smile them away.

Vulnerability

What are we afraid of?  Only each person can answer for himself.  I imagine that for many, it may be fear of offending people, fear of difference of opinion, fear of rejection, or fear of not being validated.  When I have not been genuine, I realize I’m trying to protect myself or others, but all I’m really doing is lying to avoid feeling vulnerable. 

I also realize that connections with others can be lost or become more distant when I’m insincere.  On the flip side, when I have learned that someone else was dishonest with me in the form of being insincere, I have been frustrated because I feel like the relationship isn’t real and I can’t be a good friend if I don’t know what they’re really thinking or feeling.

As painful as it may be at times, any close relationship is built on honesty in every aspect of life.  Notice I didn’t say “should be built.”  I said “is built.”  This is not to say that we shouldn’t filter what we say.  If we didn’t, there would be a lot of unnecessary, self-incriminating, or offensive information offered. I don’t know how someone could feel closer in a relationship without more open communication, especially when being genuine is paired with consideration for others.  The more sincere and honest we become, the closer we can feel to each other.  And isn’t it true that the closer we feel to someone, the more genuine we become?

Getting Personal

For me, the best friendships are those based on honesty and consideration for one another.  Two of my closest Latina friends are great at being genuine.  I don’t know if it is part of their culture, but I think culture can take some of the credit.  They are the most sincere people I know in expressing their emotions—both positive and negative.  They’re not afraid to tell me how much they care about me or how much they appreciate seeing me.  They are also some of the most honest friends I have and will be frank with me when I ask them their opinion.  Even when they give advice or constructive criticism and it’s something I may not want to hear, they still have the ability to express their opinions without being offensive. And I change for the better.  I love friends like this. 

This quote from You’ve Got Mail says so much:  “Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.”  If we’re acting like someone we are not, what is the relationship built on?  It is only when we are genuine that we can be our best selves.  That is the person that people should get to know because if we aren’t genuine, then who are we?

Believe Always

When people see raw, natural talent, they attribute the abilities of the person to God if the talent was not learned.  When music produces tears or awe-inspired chills, it directs our thoughts heavenward.  When miracles are witnessed, people believe more in help from beyond this world.  With service rendered or forgiveness granted or lives righteously altered, it also points people to Christ.

What happens when trials come?  Doubt may arise.  Faith may be questioned.  Bitterness may fester.  But those are the times when we need to believe in Christ the most.  Some choose to believe anyway.

What happens when people begin to prosper?  Their thoughts may begin to turn away from Christ. Pride puffs us up.  Some may still choose to humble themselves in gratitude for the blessings given and seek to bless others’ lives in return for their bounteous blessings.  They also choose to believe anyway.

While on the cross, Jesus heard others cry out, “He saved others; himself he cannot save.”  What little understanding these people had.  For what He could perform in His mortal life pales in comparison to the infinite bounds of mercy extended to people once the Atonement was complete.  Christ had His agency and could have chosen to save Himself, but instead, He chose to offer redemption to us all. 

How easy it is to take for granted all that God offers us.  How easy it is to forget when self-doubt, resentment, envy, anger, hurt, and discouragement enter our hearts.  How easy it is to believe only when it is convenient.  No matter what experiences are to be had in this life, we can choose to believe anyway, and always.  

People Matter

I don't usually remember my dreams.  When I do, they tend to be significant ones.  I'm not saying I get spiritual promptings from dreams, though that may be the case.  If nothing else, they leave such an impression that I am left pondering until a valuable lesson is learned. Such has been the case this week.

Dream 1
Last week, I had a crazy dream.  I was walking a client upstairs to my office and, at the landing, a girl was on the ground face down, unconscious.  It looked as though she had passed out and fallen down the stairs (which is a plausible scenario where I work).  Without acknowledging the passed out girl, we stepped over her and walked up to my office.  I distinctly remember thinking it was a nuisance to have to get around this girl.  Later, I walked down the same stairwell by myself.  That is when I actually looked long enough at the girl to realize it was one of my clients.  I could tell just from the back of her head.  It was only then that panic set in, I was concerned for the patient, and I began helping her.  I felt ashamed I hadn't paid attention to her earlier.

Dream 2
I woke up this morning after yet another crazy dream, and another.  I had a dream my sister was driving my car and backing out of a driveway.  I was watching her do so.  I watched in slow motion as she backed into a wall and crashed my car.  The dream over exaggerated what would have actually happened to my car had she been driving at that speed because the car was soon a pile of smoking car parts that we were standing over.  My brother started crying and he was angry at my sister, as if he were soon to be inheriting my car.  I reassured him, "It's just a car. At least Katelyn's okay."

Dream 3
The next dream took place in my office.  I chatted with a concerned mother who said, "What if you're not the right dietitian for my daughter?"  She doubted my abilities to help her daughter recover.  This stung a little.  I wasn't offended at all though.  My response was, "Maybe there is someone better.  What's most important is that your daughter recover, and if she needs to switch dietitians, we'll make sure it happens so that she gets the best treatment possible."  After that, the mother's countenance changed, and I knew she trusted me more.

I woke up immediately after that dream.  I  lay in bed and thought of all three of the dreams and how they seemed to tie together.  My first thought was, "People are important—not possessions, not positions, not places."  That was the lesson.  Those words repeated again and again in my head.  

People are what matter, whether you know them or not.  Desire to get only our own needs met causes us to be blind to the needs of others.  When we make people matter to us, we can understand people better, we can get offended less often, we can become more aware of those in need, we can increase in patience, and, ultimately, we can be happier.  I hope I remember this more each day.

What I Think About Being “Single”

I’m single. It’s not the first thing that comes to mind to describe myself.  In fact, it never comes to mind when telling people about myself.  But it is often an important detail to society.  Even though I don’t think “single” defines who I am, I here mention some of the things I’ve learned about being in this phase of life, much of which I am still working on applying.

Happiness no matter what phase of life

“Are you married?” is a question I get a lot from my clients.  Once, I had a thirteen-year-old ask me, “Do you even want to get married?” In their minds, they think that I must not want to get married if I’m not married already.  And they have even been shocked when I told them I’m happy.  It’s not, “I’m happy because I’m single,” or, “I’m happy despite being single.”  It’s simply, “I’m happy.”

As single people, we are encouraged to get married and have families.  So automatically, we can get frustrated if we’re not married.  But should we be miserable if it hasn’t happened yet?  Do you think married couples who can’t have children should also go around being miserable because they can’t fulfill one of God’s commandments?  You can be happy while waiting.  Being okay with being single doesn’t mean you don’t want to get married.  It just means you’re okay with who you are.  You learn patience along the way.  You learn about yourself.  And you learn how to turn a perceived trial into a phase of life to be grateful for.

There are some people who clearly convey this message:  “If I’m dating someone, I’m happy.  If I’m single, I’m miserable.”  Luckily, I don’t hang around those people too often.  What are the moments you have been happiest in your life?  I’d hope they’re not solely related to when you have been dating someone.  And it’s not to say marriage can’t add to your happiness.  But my happiest moments have been when I am productive with my time and fill life with meaningful things, and that has no relation to my marital status.

Have you ever spent time with someone who seems to be envious of what everyone else has and can’t seem to find the positive in their own lives?  Maybe you’re that person.  They may envy those who get to go on dates all the time or those who are married.  They see everyone else through rose-colored glasses.  Those who date all the time may be sick of dating or may not be getting asked out by the one person they are interested in; those who get asked out may not even want to go on dates with the people asking them out and can be very frustrated with the dating scene; and those who are married can have a number of problems in their marriage that I won’t even begin to try to list.  No matter who you see as having it together, I guarantee they all have their own set of trials.  And each can work on finding happiness no matter what phase of life.

When I’m Married…

Sometimes people wait around to do things they want to do because they think they’ll have time for it when they’re married.  What’s more extreme is some with the attitude that they’ll be happy when they’re married.  Not very realistic.  What’s the point of waiting around for that?

Happiness comes from liking who you are.  It also comes from knowing who you are, knowing what you need to work on to become a better person, knowing what you want in life, and knowing how to give of yourself.

A while ago, my mom told me that even though when you’re married and you are supposed to be united with your spouse, you are still individuals.  We each have a purpose.  Our purpose is not to wait for someone else to give us purpose.  If you don’t make time now for things that matter most, it will be no different when you’re married.  And if you’re not happy now, I would imagine that marriage would only be a temporary fix for unhappiness.  Happiness is more a way of being and an attitude rather than something given to you.

Yes, a huge part of life is to have our own families.  You can sit around and think all about how much you want to be a spouse and you want to have children, but you then make yourself stuck.  Think about what you can be doing with your time and efforts in this phase of life.  Embrace the possibilities.  Wanting to be a spouse and parent is unselfish, but you can also be unselfish in your single-ness and do so much good now.

Build Communication Skills

“The deepest way in which we are right or wrong is in our way of being toward others.” The Anatomy of Peace

The reason some relationships don’t work out is lack of communication.  Selfishness gets in the way of being willing to communicate.  It is so easy to be selfish in relationships, but not in the way one usually is selfish.  People, in one form or another, put up walls to try to protect themselves.  They don’t open up about their feelings or don’t want to talk to get clarification, automatically assume something negative, and then end the relationship.

It’s so common especially for girls to assume the worst because they’ve gotten hurt before.  They assume a guy has done or not done something, or said or not said something to hurt them.  In reality, from his perspective, he may have no stinking clue that he did anything and only wonders why the girl is so emotional.  With only mind reading and not talking about things, we can’t build a relationship because we can’t understand the other person and are always on the defensive.  I’m not saying to always assume the best either.  Communication is about finding out what is reality.

If you work on developing relationships with others in general, it is that much easier to not be selfish in a romantic relationship.

Fireworks—Not Initially Necessary

A guy friend once asked me how a date went.  I told him about the date and ended my feelings about it by saying, “I don’t know.”  My friend’s reply was, “Now wait a minute.  You don’t know? After one date, you don’t know?!”  That’s all he needed to say.  Lesson learned.

There are instances when people say they hit it off on the first date.  That means different things for different people.  But it often means there are sparks and they can see it working long-term with the other person.

I was told by a couple who has been married for over twenty years that if the main reason you marry someone is for looks, it’s going to be a difficult adjustment when those looks go away.  That’s not to say you should marry someone if you’re not attracted to them.  But hopefully you’re attracted to them for more than just their looks.

I love hearing stories of people who say that someone was more attractive the more they got to know them.  A spark could fly right away, but it comes gradually for others, and that’s okay.

Stop Being a Hypocrite

Just ponder these examples:  

1.  We want so much to be loved, but we’re upset when someone doesn’t love us back.  And yet, if there is someone we know we aren’t interested in, we just want them to leave us alone.  

2.  If we’re interested in a specific person, we want  their attention to be fully on us.  But we’re totally fine flirting with multiple people ourselves.

Notice the hypocrisy and work on eliminating it.

“There must be something wrong with you”?

That statement is something often said to explain why someone is not married.  It is more often targeted at men, but nonetheless may be directed at either gender.  What is wrong with this statement?  Nothing exactly.  There is something wrong with everyone.  Sure, you can think about what you may need to change about yourself in order to get married.  But change because you want to change. And make changes to become a better person.  Think of the type of people you like to be around the most.  Then try to develop some of those same characteristics.  But rude or nice, confident or no self-esteem whatsoever, good dresser or bad dresser, wearer of makeup or not, ugly or beautiful, any shape and size, shy or outgoing, awkward or normal—they’ve all gotten married. 

Maybe the biggest thing “wrong with you” is not making an effort to put yourself out there.  If you don’t seek for opportunities to date, it’s likely you will keep your singlehood awhile longer.  Others are fortunate enough to not have to make much effort at all, but it’s not good to try to bank on that.  To misquote Shakespeare, “some achieve [marriage] and some have [marriage] thrust upon them.”  Most are of the former variety rather than the latter.

Rejection is Part of Life

I’m so tired of hearing people say to a single person, “Well he must be an idiot if he doesn’t like you.”  Why?  What makes him an idiot? When someone doesn’t ask you out, this is my favorite explanation: “He must be gay.”  That’s right, idiot or gay; there are no other alternatives.  While those things may be true, I think it’s the exception rather than the norm for reasons they reject you.  My response in the past when people have said that to me has been, “No, he’d be an idiot if he continued to date me when he wasn’t interested.”

Be okay with others not being romantically interested.  And here’s a piece of advice that may be hard to swallow:  be okay if you see they choose someone else over you.  As single people, we are most easily offended when it comes to dating relationships.  What we fail to remind ourselves of is that most people don’t want to intentionally hurt us and most people are not vicious.

“I Hate My Life!!!” vs “A Blessing in Disguise” Mentality

People often revert to what I like to call “teenage angst tendencies” after a breakup.  They can hate the world and think that life is over.  Can someone ruin your life by rejecting you?  No.  You may feel that way, but you can always pick yourself back up, no matter how painful the process may be.  You can eventually come to the realization of something that a good friend of mine would word so beautifully:  “Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?  That’s stupid.”

While talking about dating, a friend recently commented that often trials are blessings in disguise.  Love can be blind, but once you’re not in a relationship, you can sometimes see so clearly why it wouldn’t have worked out and then be grateful that it didn’t work out.

I don’t know how you can get over the hurt.  Each person has to figure that out on his own.  But expect that hurt may come again, and be okay with that possibility. There has to be a healthy balance between knowing things may not work out and taking the risk to see if another relationship will work out.

Don’t Expect Return on Investment All the Time

“Love sought is good, but giv'n unsought is better.”  William Shakespeare

I know very little about investing, but I know a lot about saving.  I know I can have money by not spending it.  Life is a lot less stressful that way.  But if I just leave it in a bank account, I will not get much of a profit from my savings.  When talking with my dad about investing, it was scary because I told him I don’t want to lose any of my hard-earned money.  He responded by reminding me that I could gain so much more by taking risks and investing some of that money.  I’ve since followed his advice.

Much like investing money, in trying to develop a romantic relationship, we often have to go through many successes and failures.  That’s life.  Many people lack confidence and would rather suppose someone is not interested before even giving the other a chance to reject them.  You may protect your heart that way, but you’ll never know if the other is interested unless you take the risk.

No one is immune to getting his heart broken.  Some may become jaded, calloused, bitter, or a number of other things.  That is a direct result of having experienced heartbreak and being unable to heal completely or being fearful of experiencing heartbreak again.   

Some of the best dating advice I’ve gotten was this:  “Stop being selfish.  Focus on getting to know the other person, without expecting anything in return.”  In other words, get over yourself and move on. Don’t let past heartbreak prevent future chances for heartbreak.  By this I’m not saying to be blind or desperate or to date because that will help you get over the other person.  It is important to learn what works and what doesn’t work for you in relationships and to use that experience when deciding to date again.  That’s wise investing.

Eating Disorders in Layman’s Terms

What's the Main Cause?

Most people probably know someone or have suspected they know someone with an eating disorder.  However, most people don’t get why anyone has an eating disorder.  People I talk to about my job often ask me what the main cause of eating disorders is.  It’s not that straightforward.  There are many contributing factors which could lead to an eating disorder.  One could have some or all of these:  

1. Genetics
2. Parents’ or friends’ beliefs about and behaviors with food
3. Comments from others about their body size or food intake
4. Depression or other mental illness
5. Emotions which trigger lack of or increase in appetite
6. Wanting a sense of control
7. History of trauma or abuse
8. Dieting gone horribly awry
9. Focus on the media’s ideals of body image
10. Distorted body image (body dysmorphia)
11. Desire to avoid or numb out using eating disorder behaviors

Why Can’t They Just Eat?

Even though I don’t know perfectly how the people I work with feel and believe, let me try to explain as best I can how the eating disordered mind works.  These are common obsessive thoughts consuming their time:

1. I don’t deserve food.
2. Too much food (which could mean normal portions of food) will make me fat.
3. That type of food (which could mean anything with calories) will make me fat.
4. I can’t enjoy the taste of food.
5. I need to feel empty.
6. If I eat, I’m weak.
7. I am bad if I eat “bad” food.
8. I am disgusting if I eat “bad” food.
9. It is better to not eat than to put “unhealthy” food in my body.
10. If I eat this type of food, I need to get rid of it by purging (through vomiting, exercising, or using laxatives).
11. I am in control when I restrict and am out of control if I eat (or eat more than what I have in my head is okay to eat).
12. If I give in to eating bad food, I’ve blown it and may as well eat a lot of it.  Then afterward, I will never eat it again.
13. I need to weigh ___.
14. I’m fat.
15. I am never thin enough.
16. If I eat foods high in fat or sugar, I will instantly gain a lot of weight.

The list could go on.  In addition, some develop an eating disorder of a different kind where there is less fear about food and more emotions causing decreased desire to eat.  I've counseled some so depressed that they don't eat even though they love food.  Some are so anxious that they feel nauseated and may involuntarily vomit when they eat a normal amount of food because the anxiety is so high.  This is one reason why treatment for the eating disorder requires not only therapy and dietary counseling but also medications. 

Behaviors Indicating an Eating Disorder

1. Unhealthy obsession about food, calories, and weight
2. Frequent talk about weight and food
3. Tendency to cook or bake a lot but not eat the food they prepare
4. Going to the bathroom right after eating
5. Eating very slowly and picking at food
6. Eating in secret
7. Telling people they have already eaten so they don't have to eat in social settings
8. Telling people they have allergies to certain foods or are vegan or gluten-intolerant or have some other dietary restriction so as to make it more socially acceptable to avoid eating
9. Excessively exercising

Physical Results

1. loss of hair or poorer growth and condition of hair
2. slower growth of nails or brittle nails
3. inability to regulate temperature
4. lanugo
5. decreased immune function
6. poorer wound healing
7. bruising easily 
8. impairment in ability to create hormones and neurotransmitters
9. decreased libido
10. bone loss
11. muscle loss
12. tingling
13. dizziness
14. headaches
15. shakiness
16. decreased heart function
17. electrolyte imbalance
18. a number of digestive issues ranging from diarrhea, constipation, gas, cramping, bloating, and acid reflux
19. possibility of ulcers or esophageal tears if inducing vomiting
20. decreased energy, concentration, and memory
21. swollen glands from purging
22. dryer skin and lips
23. increase in sensitivity in teeth or increase in cavities due to loss of enamel from lack of protein in the diet or from purging
24. muscles spasms, weakness, and cramps
25. loss of menstrual cycle for women
26. permanent brain damage

Can't I Tell Just By Looking?

You cannot tell just by looking whether someone has an eating disorder or not.  The women I work with can be any size or shape.  It can be easy to identify that someone has an eating disorder who is severely underweight or morbidly obese.  (I wish that we would call it "morbidly underweight" as well.)  Any of the symptoms listed above are experienced by all weight ranges if the eating disorder behaviors are severe enough.  The worst thing someone with an eating disorder could hear from a doctor is, "You don't look like you have an eating disorder."  And some of them are brilliant enough to say that.

What I've Loved This Christmas

I love being around Christlike people, especially old people.  I love gaining wisdom from them.  They have so many experiences to share.

I love helping others in need, but I always feel that I am more blessed than the one I help because it makes me feel so happy to help them.

I love how unselfish people can be at Christmastime and wish the season would last all year!  I have so much to work on to become more unselfish.

I love studying the life of Christ in the New Testament and learning by His example.

I love songs about Christ, listening to them and singing them.  I heard a verse to “The First Noel” that I had never heard before.

Then let us all with one accord
Sing praises to our heavenly Lord
That hath made heav’n and earth of nought
And with his blood mankind has bought.

I love the last verse of “In the Bleak Midwinter.”

What can I give Him, Poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb.
If I were a wise man, I would do my part.
Yet what I can I give him, Give my heart.

Most of all, I was touched listening to Jane Seymour tell the story of King Wenceslas at the Mormon Tabernacle Christmas concert while the choir sang intermittently. 

Good King Wenceslas looked out, on the Feast of Stephen,
When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even;
Brightly shone the moon that night, tho' the frost was cruel,
When a poor man came in sight, gath'ring winter fuel. 

"Hither, page, and stand by me, if thou know'st it, telling,
Yonder peasant, who is he? Where and what his dwelling?"
"Sire, he lives a good league hence, underneath the mountain;
Right against the forest fence, by Saint Agnes' fountain."

"Bring me flesh, and bring me wine, bring me pine logs hither:
Thou and I will see him dine, when we bear them thither."
Page and monarch, forth they went, forth they went together;
Through the rude wind's wild lament and the bitter weather.

"Sire, the night is darker now, and the wind blows stronger;
Fails my heart, I know not how; I can go no longer."
"Mark my footsteps, good my page. Tread thou in them boldly
Thou shalt find the winter's rage freeze thy blood less coldly." 

In his master's steps he trod, where the snow lay dinted;
Heat was in the very sod which the saint had printed.
Therefore, Christian men, be sure, wealth or rank possessing,
Ye who now will bless the poor, shall yourselves find blessing.

Can I Get A Witness?

I was subpoenaed to testify before a judge yesterday.  I never thought I'd have to do that.  I was SO NERVOUS about it.  Since it was a 90 minute drive, I had a lot of time to think about it and try to calm myself.  The only reassuring thought was, "At least I'm not on trial."

Before walking in the building

As soon as I got there, the first question I was asked was, "Are you the judge?"  After taking that as a compliment on my attire, I told them I was just the dietitian.

They led me into a room, but before I got into that room, I saw that the person I was testifying against was in fact present.  My anxiety escalated dramatically at that moment.

I had a lot of time to wait.  I sat in a waiting room for an hour and forty-five minutes before they called me in to testify.  I freaked out about how this day could affect my client's life.  I came to a realization that really helped calm me down: I was hear to testify for a client; I wasn't there to testify against anyone.

My time finally came to testify, and I felt calm and nervous at the same time.  I was able to answer questions without feeling intimidated.  When I was done, the lawyer walked me out and told me that my client will appreciate me testifying for her.  He thanked me for being candid and told me I was very professional.  I thanked him and then booked it out of there as soon as I could.

I'm done!

I drove to a nearby temple to feel peace again before making the journey home.  It was a gorgeous day and perfect for a nice stroll.

On the drive home, this gospel song kept popping up in my head.  Click to listen to "Testify" I listened to songs and belted them at the top of my lungs the whole drive home. Very therapeutic.

I'm still nervous about the outcome.  It was what I thought about before I went to bed and as soon as I woke up.  But I will try to keep my mind off of it.

Through this experience, I learned some things and came to some conclusions.

1. When put under oath, you don't swear on the Bible anymore and it doesn't end in "so help you God."  That was disheartening.
2. I can be intimidated by people who are in the wrong.
3. I don't like people attacking my credibility as a witness.
4. I don't like feeling hatred emanate from someone's presence.
5. I can defend my credibility.
6. I like defending truth.
7. Defending truth can lead to extreme and unrealistic fears that your life will be threatened or taken.
8. I like wearing a suit.
9. Being called an expert is empowering and fun.
10. Everything spoken would be more powerful with a gospel choir in the background!