During the summer, I saw the most fun flower ever while grocery shopping. I fell in love with it and wanted to take it home because 1. it was my favorite color 2. it was from Africa, and 3. it was unique and I had never seen anything like it! I have never owned a plant, and I feared I would kill it in less than a week. But I took it home. It made me so happy. I kept it alive for at least a month, which may not be an accomplishment to some, but it was for me. Buying that flower taught me a lesson.
In so many circumstances, we avoid. We avoid talking about our feelings, we avoid trying things we think we may fail at, and we even avoid giving someone our honest opinion when that is what they desire most. Sometimes we avoid saying no. More surprisingly, we even avoid saying yes.
Avoidance creates dishonesty with self and with others. It masks our true opinions and feelings. It is a defense mechanism used to protect self and others. But what does it protect us from? Potential for failure, rejection, or change? Yes. But coincidentally, we also prevent our ability to learn, grow, and succeed. Some people continue working at a dissatisfying job because they’re afraid they won’t be good at anything else. Instead of talking to a spouse about their relationship, some choose divorce because they fear that talking won’t make a difference anyway. They may assume their feelings may get hurt even more by talking.
Avoidance includes lack of effective communication. It still sends a message. But it’s a message that many may misinterpret. Take the classic example of a girl getting a phone call from a guy asking her out. She doesn’t want to go on the date. She may choose to avoid answering and then never return his phone call, or to answer and make up an excuse that she is busy. Both actions are meant to send the message that she is not interested. But the guy may not “get the hint.” It would be far more effective for her to answer the phone, thank him for the invite, and simply say she is not interested.
We either avoid because we don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings or we don’t want our own feelings to get hurt. What we do and what we say needs to be congruent with what we truly feel. Honesty is something I value so much. I’ve had to be honest with others who had the potential to become upset or frustrated. Sometimes when I’ve been honest, they have gotten upset. But what I’ve learned is that it is far more difficult to face the consequences of being dishonest. When I stop avoiding, I develop an increase in self-confidence in my ability to communicate effectively and to succeed in life.
Antonyms for avoid are to face, meet, seek, and want. What happens once we face, meet, and seek those things which we want? Others might improve themselves or their work with honest feedback. Relationships can be strengthened, and communication is more effective. Not avoiding is how people learn, grow, and reach their potential. What are you avoiding in life? Stop asking "what if?" and go find out.
Don't pay attention to the video, but listen to this song.
