I don't believe in giving up foods that taste good and that you love. I wouldn't want to give up peaches, but I wouldn't want to give up cookies either. Sweets and high fat foods don't all of a sudden cancel out the nutrition in other foods. It's more important to include fruits and vegetables, whole grains, dairy, and protein, and it's not a matter of exclusion of the "bad" foods. What I do believe in is working on establishing healthy eating and exercise habits that can last a lifetime. If you focus on getting to a certain number on the scale, it can become obsessive.
Intuitive Eating is about
focusing on eating what you want,
including a variety of all food groups,
paying attention to hunger and fullness cues,
distinguishing emotional hunger from physical hunger,
giving yourself permission to eat what you want and get rid of the all-or-nothing thinking,
decreasing those out of control feelings with food,
finding ways to cope with emotions without using food,
fueling your body and getting your metabolism up by eating every two to three hours,
being mindful of how fast you eat, where you eat and the portions you give yourself,
and not multi-tasking while eating.
There are various reasons why people gain weight: aging, hormone changes or imbalances, thyroid problems, medication changes, decrease in physical activity level, lack of sleep, increased stress, and metabolic changes from yo-yo dieting to name a few. Although weight loss can be the desired goal, what's more important is to be patient with your body, stop being critical of it, and give it the proper nutrition that it needs. Physicians can often tell you a caloric amount to aim for that may in actuality be too low and end up slowing your metabolism down even further. If you don't know what your caloric needs are, speak with a dietitian. Weight loss can and often should be a slow process. If you want results fast, the joke's on you.
I watched a documentary about Monarch butterflies when I randomly
turned on the TV this week. It said that the butterflies use the sun to guide
them to where they’ve never been before and they go from Canada to Mexico. Scientists
said they could not identify any other way the butterflies know where to migrate other
than this since they only live 30 days and the migration lasts for the life
span of three to four generations.
There was such a profound lesson in that for me. It’s amazing and beautiful that they can be
so attuned to light to guide them.
We, too, can get direction in our lives by looking to the light and
going to our Father in Heaven. We may feel
prompted to take a certain direction along our path and be left in the
intellectual dark as to why. But if we follow the light, it will never lead us
astray. The butterflies inherit this ability to follow the sun. As children of
God, we inherit the ability to recognize and follow the light.
I love watching an amazing football game or basketball game
at a collegiate level because the players seem to play with more heart. I love the competition and the excitement I
feel after I see my team win! This isn’t
meant to spark a debate about that though.
Competitiveness has its place. We need to make ourselves marketable when
looking for jobs and applying to schools.
It’s all right to be competitive when playing sports or games, to a
certain extent. And yes, seeking to have
an edge over the opponent in a presidential debate is essential.
Never Good Enough
Few things make me sadder than competition in one thing: looks. Both
men and women have become obsessed with their bodies. They compare to peers and to celebrities and
to airbrushed bodies in magazines. Sometimes
they compare to themselves (e.g. wanting the same body they had in high school). This competition is detrimental and
unnecessary.
What’s so bad about comparing? It can never satisfy and never bring about happiness. Comparing leads to some form of hatred toward
others, ourselves or some part of your body. Even if you can see that you're smaller than someone or prettier than someone, does that really make you feel good about yourself? It often sets us up with unrealistic expectations of what we think we
should look like. Some even go to
drastic measures to alter their looks with plastic surgery, breast
augmentation, excessive exercise, and disordered eating habits. Even after doing these things, the result is
often the person still doesn’t feel good enough. The self-criticism doesn’t
stop. Increased muscle definition and
loss of body fat may never seem good enough to satisfy the negative eye.
Confidence and
Self-Care
I wish more people had confidence in themselves. Are you only your external self? If someone single thinks they have to have a
perfect body to get married, they will continue to be too self-critical even
after marriage. From my work experience,
I know without a doubt that getting married doesn’t always change how women
feel about their bodies, no matter how attracted their husbands are to them. They still compare to others, often to their
own detriment. Advice from good husbands
who have sat in my office: If they say
they think you’re beautiful and find you attractive and tell you you don’t need
to change, they mean it!
On the other hand, if you marry or date someone who
thinks you should have a perfect body, they are likely going to be emotionally
or verbally abusive if they haven’t been already. You don’t want someone like that. What happens when you get pregnant and your
body changes? Is he going to tell you
that you need to lose weight or get a tummy tuck or he will divorce you? As sad as that may sound, that’s a true
example of the distorted way some people think.
What happens when someone wants their body to be seen as an object? That person loses some respect for himself or herself. And then, it's often difficult for them to find others who will respect them.
Poor self-image is in direct correlation with
self-confidence. People of all sizes can
have good self-esteem and focus less on what they look like. When people learn to stop criticizing
themselves, they can learn to accept their bodies and eventually love who they
are. People can’t have a healthy self-image when they think they need to be
competitive in how they look.
There’s a difference between caring about what you look
like and obsessing about what you look like. Looking your best is important. Taking care of your body is important. Exercise is important. Eating right is important. But that doesn’t mean you have to nip or
tuck, run until you pass out, starve yourself, or emotionally binge on food and
then compensate. Instead of one more hour at the gym, think about the numerous other possibilities of the use of your time.
More Than A Body
Stephanie Nielson is an inspiration. She suffered from severe burns in an airplane
crash and wrote a book about her experience.
Her message: I am not my body.
One of my neighbors is a paraplegic man who is always out
and about in the neighborhood in his wheelchair. He didn’t allow paralysis to
get him down. He got married anyway. He
never fails to give anyone a smile who passes him by. He could easily hate his
body. Some days, he might. But I don’t think he allows that to be the
focus of his day.
I’ve been inspired by a quadriplegic I heard on
YouTube. He says, “All my life, I wanted
to be able to do one thing better than anybody else and was very unsuccessful, and
then I had my accident and I thought, ‘Ya know, maybe I can be the best quadriplegic
on a respirator that ever lived.’ And then, wouldn’t you know it, Christopher
Reeve goes out and breaks his neck. And
I’m in competition with Superman.” I love his sense of humor.
Not Worth It
Think how lives could be different when people stop comparing and obsessing about their looks. We are meant to be happy. We weren’t given a body to worship it, nor
was it given for others to worship. So
stop treating it that way. When you work to develop confidence in yourself, the comparing tendencies can fade away.
I know people, including myself, are quick to pass judgment without really getting to know a person. One thing I'm very aware of that people judge me about are my beliefs about food. Why? Because I'm a dietitian. A number of my roommates have openly admitted that they were worried about living with me because they thought I would be commenting about their food choices. One person I recently met even asked me if I counted calories and measured my food. Even once people learn my philosophy on eating, I still get negatively judged because many still think there is some secret way to eat.
Secret: I have only counted calories and measured food for homework, and eating was never more of a chore than it was then. It sucked the fun out of eating. Although that was homework, my professors taught us that it is not realistic to expect people to be so rigid about their food intake. There are many other ways to teach someone how to have a balanced diet.
One of my roles at work is having dietary sessions with families so that they can learn how to support their loved one in recovery. Occasionally, the parents are very much against our approach to teaching normal eating. Our approach is intuitive eating (ie eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full, don't limit any type of food from your diet, and don't diet). I had a mother in session like that this week.
This mother was so against the concept of "no good or bad
food." She rolled her eyes and grabbed her hair at the roots with both hands to express her frustration with this concept. She argued that we can't teach that a 100-calorie cookie is just as healthy as a 100-calorie apple. But I was able to say something
that clicked with her. I explained that the
focus isn't on nutrition because these girls are obsessed with nutrition and
they already know enough about nutrition. They already know what vitamins and minerals are in different foods. The reason we tell them there are no good or bad foods is because they think they are bad for eating the "bad" food and good for eating the "good" food. After that, she said, "Okay, thank you for explaining. That, I get." Hopefully, that conversation planted a seed for her to try to change her beliefs.
I’m not a dietitian that goes
against all science. Many people do
think I’m crazy. But I think it wasn’t
until this point that I was able to articulate our philosophy in such a way that
it made sense for someone who believes so strongly in good food and bad food. I still support the fact that we need the
vitamins and minerals found in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, dairy, and
various sources of protein. But eating some
sweets and high fat foods does not cancel out all the benefits that these
nutrients provide our bodies. And eating
those foods in appropriate portions doesn’t cause sudden weight gain,
as some clients believe. Some argue
that we are putting “chemicals” into our bodies. Those same people, however, are often
addicted to diet soda and have no qualms about eating sugar-free Jello.
This woman argued she never craves broccoli, but she
craves chocolate and other sweets, so how could I teach people to honor their
cravings? I pointed out to her that someone would not intuitively want sweets all day because we get sick from eating too much sugar. She was actually able to realize that sometimes, a salad does actually sound good.
Some people will need more guidance than intuitive eating in order to know what normal portions should look like, especially when it comes to "forbidden" foods. When I teach them that
they can give themselves permission to eat what they want, they take the power
away from food and put it into their own hands.
And the truth about bacon is...it never tasted so good with my all-you-can eat French toast today!
Why are we so afraid to show people who we really
are? Why do we want to hide our true
emotions? Although I understand the
importance of a filter for what is appropriate and not appropriate to say, why
do we want to hide what we think? Why
can’t we be comfortable with who we are?
Can’t we still make a good first impression by being ourselves? What good is a first impression if it’s fake
anyway? What good is a relationship
anyway if it’s based on superficial expectations of how we “should” act? Or
focused on saying “the right things?”
How can we expect to make any real connections with people without being
real? How can people know our true
intentions if our actions aren’t congruent with our emotions or values?
“People Pleasing”
People in general want to be liked by others. They want to feel connected. I believe most people are inherently
good. Still, they don’t want to show
everyone completely who they are for fear that people won’t like them. They seem to hide some emotions or things
that they’re insecure about.
Led by fear, many downplay or disregard their own
opinions or feelings. They may go along
with whatever another person thinks or wants.
They become so afraid of rejection that they close up, get quiet, and
don’t act like their normal selves.
Without ability to express opinions or feelings, the result is
people-pleasing, possible resentment that others can’t mind read, and inability
to express one’s true self or get one’s own needs met.
“Barbie Face”
Have you ever tried to express sympathy to someone going
through a hard time and the person smiles and says, “It’s all right,” or laughs
through it? It is common for many to
think they need to act happy all the time.
Those with this mentality may have been raised with this
expectation. What comes across as
perfectly normal to them is often superficial to others. They feel like they have to keep a smile on
their faces even when talking about hard things.
Much accredited to Toy Story, I describe people like this
as having the “Barbie Face.” People may
react this way to try to avoid feeling negative emotions or at least to hide
any negative emotion from others. They
may fear that others will assume they are “doom and gloom.” The reason for fake smiling is that it can be
uncomfortable for them to express how they really feel, partly out of fear of
how others would react.
Feeling negative emotions is an important part of
life. It is more normal to be able to
express those feelings rather than to bottle them up or smile them away.
Vulnerability
What are we afraid of?
Only each person can answer for himself.
I imagine that for many, it may be fear of offending people, fear of
difference of opinion, fear of rejection, or fear of not being validated. When I have not been genuine, I realize I’m
trying to protect myself or others, but all I’m really doing is lying to avoid
feeling vulnerable.
I also realize that connections with others can be lost
or become more distant when I’m insincere.
On the flip side, when I have learned that someone else was dishonest
with me in the form of being insincere, I have been frustrated because I feel
like the relationship isn’t real and I can’t be a good friend if I don’t know
what they’re really thinking or feeling.
As painful as it may be at times, any close relationship
is built on honesty in every aspect of life.
Notice I didn’t say “should be built.”
I said “is built.” This is not to
say that we shouldn’t filter what we say.
If we didn’t, there would be a lot of unnecessary, self-incriminating,
or offensive information offered. I don’t know how someone could feel closer in
a relationship without more open communication, especially when being genuine
is paired with consideration for others.
The more sincere and honest we become, the closer we can feel to each
other. And isn’t it true that the closer
we feel to someone, the more genuine we become?
Getting Personal
For me, the best friendships are those based on honesty and
consideration for one another. Two of my
closest Latina friends are great at being genuine. I don’t know if it is part of their culture,
but I think culture can take some of the credit. They are the most sincere people I know in
expressing their emotions—both positive and negative. They’re not afraid to tell me how much they
care about me or how much they appreciate seeing me. They are also some of the most honest friends
I have and will be frank with me when I ask them their opinion. Even when they give advice or constructive
criticism and it’s something I may not want to hear, they still have the
ability to express their opinions without being offensive. And I change for the
better. I love friends like this.
This quote from You’ve Got Mail says so much: “Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin
by being personal.” If we’re acting like
someone we are not, what is the relationship built on? It is only when we are genuine that we can be
our best selves. That is the person that
people should get to know because if we aren’t genuine, then who are we?
When people see raw, natural talent, they attribute the abilities of the person to God if the
talent was not learned. When music produces tears or awe-inspired chills, it directs our
thoughts heavenward. When miracles are
witnessed, people believe more in help from beyond this world. With service rendered or forgiveness granted
or lives righteously altered, it also points people to Christ.
What happens when trials come? Doubt may arise. Faith may be questioned. Bitterness may fester. But those are the times when we need to
believe in Christ the most. Some choose
to believe anyway.
What happens when people begin to prosper? Their thoughts may begin to turn away from
Christ. Pride puffs us up. Some may
still choose to humble themselves in gratitude for the blessings given and seek
to bless others’ lives in return for their bounteous blessings. They also choose to believe anyway.
While on the cross, Jesus heard others cry out, “He saved
others; himself he cannot save.” What
little understanding these people had. For
what He could perform in His mortal life pales in comparison to the infinite
bounds of mercy extended to people once the Atonement was complete. Christ had His agency and could have chosen
to save Himself, but instead, He chose to offer redemption to us all.
How easy it is to take for granted all that God offers
us. How easy it is to forget when self-doubt, resentment, envy, anger, hurt, and discouragement enter our hearts. How easy it is to believe only when
it is convenient. No matter what experiences are to be had in this life, we can choose to believe anyway, and always.
I don't usually remember my dreams. When I do, they tend to be significant ones. I'm not saying I get spiritual promptings from dreams, though that may be the case. If nothing else, they leave such an impression that I am left pondering until a valuable lesson is learned. Such has been the case this week.
Dream 1
Last week, I had a crazy dream. I was walking a client upstairs to my office and, at the landing, a girl was on the ground face down, unconscious. It looked as though she had passed out and fallen down the stairs (which is a plausible scenario where I work). Without acknowledging the passed out girl, we stepped over her and walked up to my office. I distinctly remember thinking it was a nuisance to have to get around this girl. Later, I walked down the same stairwell by myself. That is when I actually looked long enough at the girl to realize it was one of my clients. I could tell just from the back of her head. It was only then that panic set in, I was concerned for the patient, and I began helping her. I felt ashamed I hadn't paid attention to her earlier.
Dream 2
I woke up this morning after yet another crazy dream, and another. I had a dream my sister was driving my car and backing out of a driveway. I was watching her do so. I watched in slow motion as she backed into a wall and crashed my car. The dream over exaggerated what would have actually happened to my car had she been driving at that speed because the car was soon a pile of smoking car parts that we were standing over. My brother started crying and he was angry at my sister, as if he were soon to be inheriting my car. I reassured him, "It's just a car. At least Katelyn's okay."
Dream 3
The next dream took place in my office. I chatted with a concerned mother who said, "What if you're not the right dietitian for my daughter?" She doubted my abilities to help her daughter recover. This stung a little. I wasn't offended at all though. My response was, "Maybe there is someone better. What's most important is that your daughter recover, and if she needs to switch dietitians, we'll make sure it happens so that she gets the best treatment possible." After that, the mother's countenance changed, and I knew she trusted me more.
I woke up immediately after that dream. I lay in bed and thought of all three of the dreams and how they seemed to tie together. My first thought was, "People are important—not possessions, not positions, not places." That was the lesson. Those words repeated again and again in my head.
People are what matter, whether you know them or not. Desire to get only our own needs met causes us to be blind to the needs of others. When we make people matter to us, we can understand people better, we can get offended less often, we can become more aware of those in need, we can increase in patience, and, ultimately, we can be happier. I hope I remember this more each day.
