How I Know

I was not there to see Christ heal the blind, the deaf, the sick, or the lame. I did not see him raise the dead. But I didn’t need to. I know He did these things because I have experienced the healing power of the Atonement for myself—healing from sin, sorrow, loneliness, heartbreak, weakness, and sickness. Experiences throughout my life have witnessed to me that there is in reality a Savior and Redeemer.

I have not seen angels, but I know they attend each one of us and help us in times of need. They are there even in times of joy. I have prayed for angels to be round about me, and many have come in the form of mortal beings. He has placed people in my path who didn’t even know me but who have given me counsel or comfort that was greatly needed. I have also been the recipient of phone calls or visits from friends or family at the very moment I needed them. And those individuals would only be able to do that if they were being an instrument in the Lord’s hands.

I have seen this take place in others’ lives as well. One co-worker who works in the kitchen felt prompted to buy flowers for another co-worker who works in the front office. These women, I would say, only know each other on a superficial basis. Sure enough, the recipient had been going through a trial, and that act of kindness gave her comfort.

Although rare, there have been times when I have felt lonely—even when surrounded by friends and family. When I turned to the Lord, the loneliness disappeared, sometimes slowly and sometimes in an instant.

The Savior has helped me to accomplish what I could not do on my own. He has given me knowledge and understanding. He has made it possible for me to accomplish all that I need to when it seems time is working against me. He has helped me find joy as I forget myself in the service of others. The weight of my burdens or the weight of helping another bear their burdens has become lifted or lightened as I have turned to the Savior. Christ has given me a change of heart to love others more fully, to understand others better, and to know how to help them as I have prayed for these things.

Music is powerful and can invite the Spirit. Hymns and other music with powerful messages stir up emotion. It can be heavenly and has testified to me countless times of God’s divinity.

The beauty of this world astounds me. As I look at the gorgeous mountains, the blossoming trees, the lightning storms, the starry skies, and the colorful sunsets, no one can convince me that this world came together by coincidence. This world was organized by a God who loves us. We are blessed to be able to enjoy these creations.

Death is inevitable. It is beautiful. It is a heavenly experience. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “Life is sacred, and death is somber. Life is buoyant and hopeful. Death is solemn and dark. It is awesome in its silence and certainty” (“The Empty Tomb Bore Testimony,” May 1988). Recently having a grandmother preparing to leave this world, I know the veil is thin and heaven seems so near in a person’s final hours. Death stirs in people a desire to know, or a reminder of, what the purpose of life is and whether there is life after death. Having heard the experiences of others watching a loved one pass away, I cannot doubt that there is a plan for each of God’s children. The ultimate purpose of life is to live worthy to return to live with God. “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent” (John 17:3). Of this I am certain. And it is made possible through the redemptive power of Christ.

I know for myself that God lives because I have prayed and I have read the words of God in His scriptures. I read stories from the Savior’s life and I am awed and inspired by His tender mercy. I know He lives because of the many experiences throughout my life. I learn who I am, who I want to become, and how I can become that person.

What Is Beauty?

For much of my time at work, I listen to women express how much they hate their bodies. For all, it is a psychological problem related to distorted body image and unrealistic expectations for themselves. For many, poor body image is worsened by critical comments from others about their bodies. For some, trauma has prompted much of this self-loathing. These women lack self-esteem and self-worth for these reasons.

Lack of self-esteem is common for many women, not just women with eating disorders. It is common for people in general. But for women, self-esteem is often related to looks. We live in a society that seeks to define beauty for us. Media bombards us with air-brushed images that supposedly define beauty. In reality, those images provide men and women with a distorted view of what women are supposed to look like. Studies show that women who read magazines have poorer body image than women who do not read magazines. Women compare themselves to these images and become more critical of themselves.

I was about thirteen years old when I first weighed more than my mother. I thought to myself, “That is so not right.” I mentioned to my mother that I felt fat, that I shouldn’t weigh more than her because she is three inches taller than me. Her response was exactly what I needed to hear, and it was that the numbers on the scale don’t matter, and I look fine. I spent a lot of time being critical of my body and comparing myself to others. But because of my mom’s comment, I never tried to control my weight.

I never thought I was beautiful until college. In high school, I accepted my body, accepted my looks, but still didn’t like what I saw. My parents and some others had told me I was beautiful before. I accepted the compliments but never internalized them. It wasn’t until a guy I dated told me I was beautiful that I truly believed it. He said I was the most beautiful girl on campus, and he would tell me I was beautiful every time I saw him. Of course, I was out of adolescence at this point and my self-esteem was improving since I was out of the awkward phase of high school life, so it was easier to accept compliments. But his compliments were the turning point for me. I wasn’t delusional and knew that I wasn’t the most beautiful girl on campus, but I believed that he thought I was.

Over the seven years since then, many have given me compliments. Some I had received for as long as I can remember, like people saying they love my hair. But what was strange to me was that people starting complimenting me on what I considered to be my imperfections. One girl said I have the most perfect nose she had ever seen. People said I have cute feet. They told me I have a cute butt and that they wanted curves like mine. They said they wished they had my complexion. They said they love my eyes. They liked my hands, my legs, my chin. Some of you may be reading this and be thinking of any of the above, “Why would they like that about her?” I have thought that myself.

This taught me something though. It taught me that beauty is different to everyone. We are all beautiful. It sounds cheesy, I know. But we spend so much time criticizing ourselves when we should be the ones who love ourselves the most. We can learn to accept our bodies even if we aren’t in love with all its different parts. As I got many compliments about things I didn’t like about myself, I realized this truth: Why worry about something that no one else is worrying about? We are our worst critics. I say to any negative thought process (yours or mine), “Oh, stop it!” Perfection is not about shape or size or looks or clothing. It’s not about grades or promotions or our material possessions either. And it most certainly is not about despising everything about ourselves. It is about coming unto Christ and being a little kinder, serving others, repenting and keeping the commandments.

I am grateful for a gospel perspective. Many remember a talk given by Elder Holland in General Conference about not wearing beach attire to church. But that talk includes something of much greater importance:

“I plead with you young women to please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style, with a little less longing to look like someone else. We are all different….And almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not! But as one adviser to teenage girls said: ‘You can’t live your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people’s opinions make you self-conscious you give away your power’….And if you are obsessing over being a size 2, you won’t be very surprised when your daughter or the Mia Maid in your class does the same and makes herself physically ill trying to accomplish it….One would truly need a great and spacious makeup kit to compete with beauty as portrayed in media all around us.”

I witness change take place in many of my clients. I witness healing. I witness power in stopping the negative thought process. Many of these women go from self-loathing to self-acceptance to self-love. They become more self-confident throughout their treatment. It isn’t because I sit there and tell them how beautiful they are. They wouldn’t believe me if I did. But it is because they begin to see the beauty in themselves as they work to heal. They learn what true beauty is.